Archive for March, 2010

Coaching Issues

Monday, March 29th, 2010

Try This At Home…………………….

Evaluate your child’s coach.  Have your child write down three things he likes about his coach and three things he doesn’t like. If necessary, have him elaborate on his answers.  Next, you rate his coaches on a scale of 1-5, with 5 being the highest, in the following categories.  Values and morals, communication skills, positive attitude, language choices, fairness, ability to teach and promote teamwork, sportsmanship, ability to physically prepare the kids, ability to motivate, compatibility with your child.  If your child is old enough to understand, he can rate his coach as well.  Don’t share your answers until you are both finished.  If your child’s answers, or any of your ratings, are alarming, it may be time to make a change.

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We all put great thought into which daycare or babysitter we leave our young child with.  We want to make sure our child is safe and happy and that the morals and values of the caregiver are similar to ours.  We need to put just as much thought into who is coaching our child.  Coaches do more than assign kid’s positions on the field, run drills, and help get your child physically ready for the demand of his sport.  A coach is in the position to instill values and morals in your child, and set examples in areas like teamwork, sportsmanship and work ethic.  The odds are your child will look up to his coach and will emulate him or her. 

At all the national events throughout my entire cycling career, one of the ever present coaches was a hot headed, offensive coach who displayed all sorts of poor sportsmanship.  My first encounter with him was at Junior Nationals and unfortunately I continued to “run” into him until I retired from cycling.  For the life of me I can’t understand why anyone would choose him as their coach.  While some of his riders did get some good results, there were several other coaches who could get the job done just as well.  I found it interesting that adults submitted themselves to his antics and behavior, but just plain appalling that parents subjected their children to it.  Even if they thought he was the best coach out there, I can’t believe they would leave their children in his care.  By doing so they were telling their child that they condoned the coach’s behavior.

Part of the importance of sport, and the whole point of my blog, is to utilize sports to teach the fundamentals and building blocks needed to succeed in all areas of life. I think that one of the most important thing sports can instill in your child, is the deep founded belief that more important than winning, is how you play the game.  This lesson, while it may not always put him on top, will ensure that he can always be proud of who he is and what he accomplished.  The coaches you allow to work with your child over the course of his life will play a big part in laying the foundation for his values and morals. A good coach will reinforce positive sportsmanship and values and a bad coach will do just the opposite. 

In an individual sport you have a lot of discretion as to who you choose as your child’s coach.  For team sports that may not always be the case.  If you have an issue with your child’s coach, you may have an opportunity to switch leagues or teams, but if that isn’t an option, you still have a few choices.  Being interactive is the most important part.  Know what is going on at practice and games so you can discuss any situations that arise with your child. Talk with other parents to see if they have had similar experiences with the coach.  At a time when everyone is calm and rational, you can have a discussion with the coach.  You don’t need to attack him or her, just voice your concern.  You can also raise your concerns with the league.  If you don’t have any other options, and you feel very strongly about the affect a coach is having on your child, you can always try a different sport. 

The odds are, while a coach may not be your favorite for one reason or another, he or she isn’t all that bad, but it is important for parents to be aware and involved.

My children’s book, Shawn Sheep The Soccer Star, focuses on teamwork and sportsmanship.  In the book, the soccer coach is an excellent example of an exemplary coach.  The book is a good way to start a discussion with your child about these topics. 

For more information about me or my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com.

I’m taking next week off for spring break.  Please check back for my next post on April 12th.

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Risk Taking

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

Try This At Home…………………

Take three paper bags. In the first bag, place one piece of candy that your child really likes.  In the second bag, place two pieces of the same candy.  In the third bag, place one piece of her favorite candy.  Place the three closed paper bags in front of your child.  Don’t let her touch them.  Tell her that the first bag contains one piece of the candy she really likes. She can choose to take that bag, or she can take a risk and chose one of the other bags.  Explain that by accepting the risk and taking one of the other bags, she may find an even better surprise, but it could also be just an empty bag.  Tell her that the purpose of the exercise is to encourage her to take smart risks.  Share the rest of the blog with her.  

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Each of us has a choice; we can live safe in our comfort zone, or we can challenge ourselves and take some calculated risks.  Taking smart risks offers us the possibility of  achieving more than we ever could have imagined.  There is a saying I like, I believe it’s also a book title. “Shoot for the moon: even if  you miss you’ll land among the stars.” 

When it comes to taking a risk, the question you need to ask yourself is, “What have you got to lose?”  More often than not, the answer is, nothing but a bit of pride.  Taking a calculated risk is often what it takes to get ahead.  If we always live life in our comfort zone we don’t allow ourselves many opportunities to shine.   Likewise, if we always know what the outcome is before we start, we never get a chance to find out what we’re truly are capable of.  I think it’s safe to say that a lot of  people underestimate themselves.

On the other hand, sometimes there is something to lose from taking a risk. A risk is just that, a risk, there is no guarantee. That is why I like to use the term calculated risk.  Your child will need to weigh her choices, sometimes rather quickly.  If the potential upside, outweighs the potential downside, then it is probably a risk worth taking.  Likewise, the opposite is true.   If the downside of taking the risk, outweighs the potential upside, then your child should probably choose to pass. 

In my children’s book, Gracie Goat’s Big Bike Race, Gracie agrees to compete in a bike race with her friends, but she fails to mention that she doesn’t know how to ride a bike and that she’s afraid to learn.  Her Grandma comforts her and asks her what the worst thing is that can happen if she gives learning to ride a try.  She then asks what the worst thing is that could happen if she doesn’t try to learn. Through the questioning, Gracie realizes that either way her answer is the same.  She really has nothing to lose.  She can try to learn and if she fails her friends may laugh at her and she won’t be able to join them in the bike race, or she can not try, and her friends still might laugh at her and she won’t be able to race with them in the bike race.  The story is meant to help children overcome and rationalize their fears, but the approach can also be used to teach your child to take risks. The next time your child is contemplating a risk, have her play the Gracie game.  Ask her, what is the worst thing that can happen if she takes the risk and it doesn’t work out.  Next, ask her what is the best thing that can happen if she takes the risk and it does work out.  Also, have her think about what will happen if she chooses not to take the risk. 

Taking a risk and failing, is simply a mistake to be learned from.  Throughout my cycling career, and life, I’ve found that sometime the only way to reach your goal is by taking risks.  Sometimes taking a risk and failing turns out to be a blessing in disguise, because it makes you better.  Have your child think of it like this:  Her goal is like a really high wall.  She’s climbing up it, but she’s stuck just a short distance from the top.  There is no where else for her to grab.  By taking a risk and failing, her wall will crumble some, but the crumbled wall may make a new hand hold for her that will allow her to keep climbing.  She can take advantage of her mistake and let it help her scale the wall and stand on top victorious.

Taking a risk can be scary, but really, what do you have to lose?

Note- There are good risks and bad risks.  It’s important for your child to know the difference.  No amount of success or glory is more valuable than life.  Taking a dangerous risk, one that could get you hurt, or worse, isn’t a good risk to take.  (However, sports are inherently dangerous, so there is always some risk involved.  A skilled athlete taking a reasonable, but risky chance, is sometimes what it takes to win.)

For more information on me or my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com.

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Posted in Goal Setting, Overcoming fears, Risk Taking | 1 Comment »

Seizing Opportunities

Monday, March 15th, 2010

Try This At Home…………….

Chose a task that requires leaving the house and ask your child to join you.  It should be a task that isn’t overly thrilling, something like grocery shopping, taking the recycling to the recycling center, etc.  Make his coming a choice. Say something like, “I’m taking the recycling to the recycling place, do you want to come give me a hand?”  If he decides to go with you, take the opportunity to stop and get some ice cream together afterward.  If he chooses not to join you, stop and get the ice cream without him and bring it home so he realizes that he missed out on the opportunity.  Regardless of what he decides, use the situation as an example to explain the importance of opportunities.  Explain that opportunities can arise anywhere, at anytime and in many forms.  Some may come from a bit of luck, but most opportunities arise from putting yourself in a good situation and being prepared for what ever happens.  Share the information below with your child.  Also, ask him to think of a time where he seized an opportunity, or missed one?  He may have to think a bit, but my guess is he’ll come up with a few.  If he is very young, you may have to help him think of one.

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My son Micah is two and a half.  At the end of his gymnastic class, they always play with a parachute.  A few weeks ago the teacher asked him if he wanted to help pull out the parachute, but he was distracted and by the time he got over there some other kids had jumped in and helped her.  He was upset and started crying.  In the meantime, the teacher had all of the kids sit in the middle of the parachute so they could go for a ride.  Micah wouldn’t get in the middle. I even tried to lift him up and put him in there, but he wouldn’t have it, he was still too upset about not getting to help pull out the parachute.   I ended up having to pull him aside.  He calmed down some and I brought him back out for the next activity, but he got even more upset when he realized he’d missed the parachute ride. He was so busy crying about wanting to do the ride, that he missed the next activity too.  Needless to say, the class didn’t end well.  My point in sharing my son’s temper tantrum with you is that sometimes, like him, we are so focused on the past, we miss out on the present and don’t jump at a new opportunity. 

Success is usually the product of hard work, determination, persistence and discipline but there are a few other components that can come into play. Sometimes success comes from seizing an opportunity that presents itself, even though it wasn’t part of the original plan. Teaching your child to be flexible, spontaneous and optimistic will help him take advantage of opportunities as they present themselves. 

Three Keys To Seizing Opportunities

1. Putting Yourself In the Right Place

The biggest part of being able to take advantage of an opportunity is putting yourself in the right position. Your child can’t get the ice cream, if he isn’t in the car when you stop for a scoop.  If your child has put in the work and is prepared, he’ll be ready and able to jump at a good opportunity.

I felt absolutely awful at the 2003 National Championships in Trexlertown, Pennsylvania.  I didn’t have good legs all week.  In the point’s race, despite being in a breakaway with two other riders, I felt absolutely awful.  (The points race is a mass start event where a group, or pack, of cyclists race to see who can acquire the most points.  You get points from both sprinting and gaining a lap on the field.  A breakaway is where several riders get out in front of the main group, thereby collecting most of the points.) Normally sprinting was my strong suit, but for some reason during this particular race I just didn’t have the legs.  I knew I was going to take third unless I did something; the problem was I just couldn’t get my legs to go.  Then, an opportunity presented itself, and I took it.  Our breakaway of three riders was about to lap the main group of cyclists.  There were only a few laps left in the race and the group was only about a turn in front of us, maybe about 100 to 150 meters.  The other two girls in the group had more points than me and were so busy focusing on each other, that they kind of forgot about me.  Any rider who lapped the field earned twenty points, so if I lapped the field and the two other girls in my breakaway did not, then I would win the race.  While they watched each other, I surprised them and took off really fast, breaking away from them.  I put my head down and rode as hard as I could to catch the group.  Once I caught the group I couldn’t let the other two catch as well, so I went to the front and pulled everyone along.  I managed to prevent the other two girls from catching the group and won the race.  I won the race, not because I was riding great that day, but because I put myself in a position that allowed me to take the opportunity when I saw it. 

2. Shaking It Off

Often times an opportunity presents itself after something else has not gone as planned.  Being able to set aside disappointment and not dwell on the past will help your child stay focused, keep an optimistic mindset and see new opportunities.  As hard as it is to believe sometimes, the past does not equal the future.  Mistakes are good chances to learn and improve.  Just because something didn’t work out, doesn’t mean that it’s a lost cause.  Sometimes your child will have time to regroup after a misstep, other times an unexpected opportunity my follow immediately; he just needs to stay focused and roll with the punches.

If I’d given up during the 2003 National points race, because my legs felt lousy and the race wasn’t going well, I never would have taken the chance I did and I never would have won the race.

3. Being A Risk Taker

Most opportunities aren’t a sure thing.  In many cases, in order to seize an opportunity, you have to take a risk.  A lot of the time, like in my case during the points race, you have nothing to lose by trying.  Next week’s blog will be about risk taking, so stay tuned.

Encourage your child to work hard and keep a good attitude so that he can be ready to pounce on an opportunity when it presents itself.  Remind him that an opportunity can pop up at any time.

For more information on me, or to purchase one of my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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Lacking Motivation

Monday, March 8th, 2010

Sorry, no try this at home section this week.  I couldn’t think of anything good.  If I come up with something, I’ll add it to next week’s post.

This week’s post is a request from a friend whose daughter is tired after school and unmotivated to go to practice.  Although she doesn’t feel like going, she loves it once she gets there.

My friends daughter may be “just a kid,” but we can all totally relate to how she’s feeling.  I can’t even count the number of days that I think I’m going to work out after I put the kids to bed, but instead end up dragging myself to the couch exhausted and way to unmotivated to go into the cold garage and run on the treadmill.  There were days like that during my cycling career as well.  On the days when I was sore and tired, I could come up with 1,000 different reasons to procrastinate doing my workout.  (It always amazed me how urgent cleaning the refrigerator or alphabetizing my DVD’s became, when I was dreading hill repeats.)   I always ended up eventually doing my workout, but that doesn’t mean that I always felt like doing it.

My point is that my friend’s daughter is perfectly normal.  However, as a parent there are a few things to consider. 

Does Your Child Still Like The Activity?   

If the answer is yes, then I offer some tips later in the post that may help motivate her. If the answer is no, then it may be time to look into a new activity, or at least take a break for awhile.  I’m a firm believer in finishing what you start, so it’s alright to insist she finish out the season, or session.  Once she’s completed her obligation let her pick a new activity to try.

Does She Have Too Many Activities?

Kids have long, busy days, and it’s easy for them to feel overloaded and overwhelmed with activities.  Just like adults, kids need down time.  If your child has an activity every day after school, is feeling overwhelmed and starting to dread the stuff she loves, it may be time to lighten her load.

Or,

Maybe she isn’t too busy, but instead she just needs a few minutes to recharge before her activities.  Having a chance to eat a snack and relax for a few minutes might help her feel rejuvenated and ready to practice. 

On the flip side, sometimes once I sit down and relax, I find it’s a lot harder to get going again, especially if I’m being pulled away from my favorite television show.  If that seems to be the case, it might help to leave the television off.  You can always tape her favorite show for her and let her watch it later.

Remind them of their obligation.

In very few situations do our actions just affect us.  Remind your child that she signed on for the entire season or session, and that her team and coach are counting on her.  Ask her what would happen if all of the kids on the team were tired and decided to skip practice?  Ask her, worse yet, what would happen if all the kids showed up, but the coach decided he didn’t feel like it.  This is a great opportunity to help your child see the big picture and talk with her about fulfilling her obligations.

The Reward

Your child may say that she loves the games, but doesn’t want to practice.  Unfortunately, that’s just not how it works.  Explain that the game is the reward, but in order to earn the reward, she has to do the work. Also, she probably wouldn’t like the games as much, or do as well, if she didn’t practice for them.  Whether she’s at school, playing sports, or at home doing chores, there is always going to be something that she likes doing the least, but it still has to get done.  No one wants to pick up the dog poop, but if you want to experience the joy and companionship of a dog, you’ve got to do it.  Likewise, everyone likes sledding down the hill, but you can’t enjoy the fun if you don’t walk up the hill first.

Throughout my ten year cycling career my ultimate goal was the Olympic Games.  Ten years is a long time to stay motivated, and there were times that I struggled.  However, I knew that I’d have to put in the work if I wanted to make the Olympic team. That is why, no matter how much I procrastinated, I always did my workout.  I knew that for every workout I skipped, one of my competitors was doing hers.  For me, the reward was so important, that I was willing to do the work no matter how I felt.

Remind your child that she isn’t alone.  It’s normal to feel unmotivated sometimes.  The real test is whether she’s going to give in to it.  If she likes what she’s doing, it’s worth doing all the way.

For more information about me, or my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com.

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Someone Is Always Watching

Monday, March 1st, 2010

This At Home……….

Without asking for specifics, as your child to think about a time when they did something that they regretted doing in public.  Have them imagine how much worse it would have been, if it were broadcast for the whole world to see.  If he wants to share the details that’s fine, but respect his privacy. Ask him how his actions affected him and how he thinks they may have affected others. (Family, friends, coach, etc.)

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Even if you’re not famous, someone is always watching.  You never know how your actions, good or bad, will affect those around you.  It could be as simple as your child watching how you react to a driver who cuts you off in traffic, or a stranger watching you help another stranger.  Help your child understand that their actions have consequences and that one moment of carelessness, in some cases, can have huge repercussions. 

With today’s technology, even for the “unknown,’ there really aren’t any private moments in public places.  Help your child understand the these days everyone has a camera, because everyone has a cell phone. His behavior, good or bad, is literally just a keystroke away from being in cyber space for everyone to see. If you are famous, or at least temporarily in the spotlight, it is even more crucial for you to think before you act. 

I was planning to write about seizing the moment, but I just saw a story on Geraldo At Large, on Fox, about all of the athletes gone wild at the Olympic Village, and felt compelled to blog about it.

Every Olympics there is a news story about all of the condoms shipped to the Olympic Village and a story about some athlete who gets a little too out of control. 

This Olympics the spot light is on the American snowboarder, Scotty Lago.  After winning the bronze medal, he went out to celebrate in Vancouver.  Someone shot a picture of him behaving questionably, and after its release on the internet, he volunteered to leave the Olympic Village, presumably with some pressure from the United States Olympic Committee.

The hot topic seems to be whether or not the Olympic Committee overreacted, but I prefer to focus on the lesson.  However, I do feel compelled to say this, when at the Olympics, athletes are representing more than themselves.  It’s natural for athletes to want to blow off steam after four years of preparation, and the huge let down that comes when all the pressure is off after competition.  However, athletes need to remember that while they are at competitions, they represent more than just themselves. They represent their families, sponsors and their country.  So, regardless of whether or not you think what Scotty did is worthy of getting booted from the Olympic Village, you have to take into account how it reflects on the other parties involved.  We know how the Olympic Committee reacted, but I can only imagine how his sponsors and family felt.   For some celebrities, even bad press is a good thing. For others, like Olympians and Tiger Woods, whose image is built on being wholesome and squeaky clean, it has the potential to be damaging.  (I say potential, because sometimes the public is surprisingly forgiving.)

Remind your child that besides having to deal with the consequences of his actions, he also potentially affects others around him, including  family, friends, team and school.  There is nothing wrong with having some fun, but there is also nothing wrong with keeping it under control and acting responsibly.

For younger children, my book, Shawn Sheep The Soccer Star, is a great way to start a discussion about how a person’s, “or sheep’s” behavior can affect those around him.  Please visit www.erinmirabella.com for more information about my children’s books.

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Posted in Role Models, Sportsmanship, values and morals | 3 Comments »